


Love & Acceptance

by Cawerkuu



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gay Bar, Hurt, M/M, POV Second Person, POV Third Person, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-07 17:24:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18877780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cawerkuu/pseuds/Cawerkuu
Summary: Dan thought he was the only one hiding. That is until his best friend uploads a video while he's at a bar.





	Love & Acceptance

**Author's Note:**

> forgive my child writing ways. this was my first fic oh boy.

Dan is gay.

Now in 2018, you wouldn't think that would mean much at all considering it's been four years since the United Kingdom recognized gay marriage as equal to straight marriage but that doesn't stop the feeling of fear creeping up every time June inches closer.

What's June? Pride month and this isn't a small little thing, everyone around the world celebrates it. Parades are held at capitals of states, bright proud colors are held up in honor, and people come out for the first to their families or friends or maybe even both!

It was no different on the internet, if anything - there was more action online. People sending out tweets about pride month (Dan himself included), making coming out videos, and fighting for the freedom to love whoever you want through the internet.

That was no different in 2018, if anything it was more.

And of course, Dan always found himself hesitating about coming out. Phil didn't even know and the guy was his best friend and they _lived_ together for Pete's sake! You would think he would have slipped up after knowing Phil for a decade but Dan always tripled checked everything, making sure Phil couldn't even question it. Whenever Dan needed relieve himself and his hand wasn't just enough, he would head out at night either when he knew Phil was knocked out cold or say he was heading up to meet with a friend.

Phil never questioned it and why would he? There was no reason to from what Dan saw - he tried to make his sexuality a lie, that he liked chicks.

That, of course, didn't always work with your job being on the internet. He often joked about his sexuality, talking about how he never knew to exactly define himself as but that was just avoiding that one statement.

_"I'm gay."_

It could ruin someone by all the hatred that could flood his way due to just who he was.

Now, it was different from criticism. They would hate him simply because of who he was and not his actions. They would hate him because he was gay not because of his offensive jokes. He could handled being scolded about his shabby editing job at times but not for liking another guy.

It was utter torture in June for him. He had to watch other YouTubers like Tyler Oakley and celebrities like Ellen DeGeneres be free to be who they were and love who they loved because their fans were so kind and understanding and cared more about the content they put out instead of who they loved.

His fans weren't bad or horrible. They loved his content and encouraged him all the time to take time on his content and no matter how long it takes, they'll still love it without doubt. And they do, every single time. Despite his upload schedule being once a month, everyone still waited patiently and loved his videos without hesitation. But the thing was if he told his fans he would gay, something might happened like it did in 2012.

They would assume phan was real. That Phil and him were secretly dating and they would want to know the truth about it and even pressure Phil to 'come out' and admit to the world they were dating.

While it might hurt him, he could take the hate about his sexuality but he could not handle Phil getting hurt because of him.

Phil was his flatmate, best friend, and co-worker. Phil was too important in his life now, too close to Dan - he _knows_ Dan too much and worst of all; Dan is used to him.

He's used to waking up at three in the morning to walk in Phil's room and see the older male munching on his cereal. He was used to Phil's reaction to fall off the bed and yell, 'Don't look at me!!' He was used to joking about it later on, saying Phil had a cereal addiction.

He was used to waking up together, even on days where they had just a few hours of sleep, and eating breakfast together while they watched an anime together. He was used to Phil's warmth next to him while they both enjoyed whatever anime that happened to be chosen. He was used to him and Phil joking around about the anime and the trips that the characters were showing.

He was used to filming with Phil. He was used to staring at awe at Phil for a bad pun or joke. He was used to screaming and quitting rage inducing video games with Phil saying, 'Dan! Stop, you're going to spill your coffee!' He was especially used to falling off his chair every year and Phil laughing at him.

He was too used to it and he's afraid he'll lose it everyday. It's why the world can't know, it's why Phil can't know.

Well, at least he thought until June 15th when a YouTube nonfiction from **'** **AmazingPhil** **'** popped up on his phone while he was out on another one of his outings, looking for someone to take him back to their place. He read the title of the video over and over and over again until it was practically engraved into his eyes.

 **'Love Is Love! #Pride2018'** was the title. It was weird for Phil, of all people, to have a serious title. His titles and especially his videos were lighthearted, friendly, and funny for all the kiddos and lads out there to enjoy at any age. Plus, Phil usually tells Dan about a new video or let's him see it first to see if Phil needed to cut out something or add something to a couple of frames.

Phil hadn't said anything about this. Dan had asked too. It was yesterday too, the memories flickered like a old movie in his brain as he remembered.

* * *

 

  
_"Hey, Phil? Do you plan to upload a video soon?"_ Dan had nonchalantly asked when he walked into the kitchen. He caught a glimpse of Phil's shoulders hunting up slightly at the question from where he stood, looking inside the fridge for something to snack on. The sound of cluttering dishes had halted, calling to attention that Phil had stopped in the middle of washing dishes.

 _"Not yet. I don't have any good ideas sadly."_ Phil laughed, pulling his hands out of the lukewarm dish water and rinsing the washrag he had used for washing the dishes. _"I need to get back on my game though! I must be getting old."_

 _"Oh please,"_ Dan rolled at the idea. He didn't consider Phil old in the slightest, not the type Phil seemed to think he was. Dan closed the fridge, finding nothing of value and turned to the cabinets to see Phil now facing him. _"Even if you were 'old', you still shine bright."_

 _"Uh, thanks?"_ Phil seemed to blush but Dan couldn't tell due to the crappy light bulb that he should probably replace soon. _"Why don't you the rest of the dishes for this old man?"_

 _"You keep calling yourself old, I'm going to start calling myself a teenager."_ Dan shook his head, taking the washrag out of Phil's hand. He ignored the bolt of warmth that shot up his arm like a bullet.

 _"Oh no, it's Fetus Dan!"_ Phil joked, dramatically slapping his hands on his cheek to add to the effect of shock.

Dan rolled his eyes, _"Yeah, yeah. Go get the gears running you goof."_

 _"Okay!"_ Phil giggled and brushed past Dan, walking on the path to his room with a huge smile on his face. Dan thought he might get stuck like that since he was smiling so hard.

* * *

 

  
'He couldn't have came up with an idea that fast, filmed, and edited it - could he?' Usually Dan heard bits of editing coming from Phil's room but he hadn't at all. Did Phil do it while he was asleep? And why would he?

He decided instead of questioning all of these things to take his headphones out and watch the video despite being sat a bar meant guys to meet other guys who were interested in a one-time thing.

"Hey guys!" Phil's chipper voice shouted through the cords. "Sorry, that was a bit loud."

'Thanks for the damaged eardrums Phil.' Dan thought jokingly.

"This video is going to be a bit different, a bit more serious one..." Phil trailed off and sighed. He took a deep breath in, held it for a bit, and exhale - a way of breathing to calm down anxiety, one that he had memorized in fact. "I'm gay."

'What?' Dan questioned, his eyes widening to the size of saucers, despite how cliche it sounds.

"I've been gay all my life." Phil looked down at his hands and closed his eyes. He exhaled and gripped his hands into fists. "I hid it from my family all this time and last weekend I went over to visit them and told them."

He did do that. Dan remembers questioning Phil on why he suddenly had the urge to see his parents.

* * *

 

  
_"I just miss them, that's all! I'm a little homesick."_ Phil had smiled, shrugging off Dan's confusion with a gentle but calming glance. He must have been freaking out on the inside and Dan wondered how he learned to hide it so well.

 _"Okay, have fun."_ Dan didn't think much of it and let Phil go on his merry way back to the north.

* * *

 

  
"I was really really scared. Dan nearly stopped me from going when he suspected something." Phil said with a gentle smile hesitantly looking up at the camera. "I was on the verge of backing out but lucky I stayed strong! I went to my parents and well,"

Phil got up from his bed and walked around it to grab onto his usual blue and green duvet and pulled it back to revile a LGBT stripped duvet pattern with _'Love Is Love <3'_ written in white. "They had already guessed it and was glad I came out despite it taking three decades."

"It was weird, y'know? I didn't expect them to just have this waiting for me." Phil laughed and plopped down on the bed, his limbs sprawled across the duvet. He giggled as he landed with a 'Poof!' "My family is weird but hey, I was a weird kid!"

Dan grinned like an idiot at the call back. He was sure his eyes must've been glossed over with wetness from the tears welling in his eyes but he didn't let it ruin this.

Phil was gay. Just like him. Phil wouldn't care. Phil was Phil, of course he wouldn't have!

"I get that," Phil sat back up, looking at the camera with an encouraging smile. "there are still people who call my love a phase or a sin when it's not. My love is love and you can't change that part of me. If you want to unsubscribe from me then go right ahead. If you are one of my friend's and you don't like it then let me know that you don't wish to be friends anymore. I love who I am, I love being alive, and I'll love whatever man I'll love."

Dan was sure he was crying. He could feel the wetness going down his face at a rapid pace. Everything was finally being unbundled. When the bartender gave him a suspicious look, he said he was fine and asked for another drink.

"So," Phil composed himself and smiled gratefully at the camera. "I'm still the same old Philly Lester who hates cheese and makes random videos so I won't change any time soon. Nothing will because my sexuality doesn't define who I am as a person and neither does yours! Let's all spread a little positivity after all, Love is Love! Nothing can ever ruin love. Bye guys!"

With that, the video ended.

And then it struck Dan.

The video had been uploaded not too long after he arrived at the bar which couldn't be anymore than ten minutes away from their flat which meant Phil was up and had been up.

Phil gave his heart out to the world. He showed them all of him and they're going to love him back, for sure they will. Maybe there is a little hope for Dan as well then.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and saw a man with a smirk, standing there and scanning his body.

"How are you this fine evening?" The unnamed man slid up next to him. He looked at Dan like he was a piece of meat which was expected after all.

"Fine." Dan downed the rest of his drink. "But I'm leaving."

"Oof, already?"

* * *

 

  
The cab stopped with a halt. With a huff, the driver turned around to inform Dan that he needed to pay. "You're here, I need the money for your trip."

"Here," Dan handed him the cash and got out the car. He looked up at the flat where he lived, lingering in front of the building a few seconds longer to let the nerves rush through like lightening in contrast to the cold air freezing his skin. He huffed, his shoulders sagging and he walked through the door.

He had to face him.

He had to face his family.

He had to face his friends.

He had to face his fans.

He had to face _himself._

The door opened with a creak, peeking through the crack to see the lights where turned off in the living room. He saw that no one was in there and everything had been turned off, just like how he left it no less than half an hour ago.

"Phew," He relaxed a little, pulling off his shoes and making it to his room. He saw just a little ways down from his room was Phil's room. The door was closed but the light was shining through the crack of the door at the bottom of it, signaling to Dan he was still up.

His nerves didn't seem to fade despite knowing Phil was gay as well. They were nerves in a different ways from originally.

He wasn't afraid of being rejected but of rather what this would lead to.

'Snap out of it, Dan. Focus on one thing at a time.' He shook those reoccurring thoughts and walked into his room. Despite having dressed up and showered only half an hour before, he had to change into his pajamas which was annoying considering he was dolled up for no reason now. He yanked open a drawer and shredded his current clothes in replacement for some clothing pajamas. 'Okay, done. I can head to bed now.'

He said that but he couldn't even sit on the bed. He just stared at it and he felt guilty for not talking to Phil about what his sexuality really is.

He needs to face him.

And he's going to face him one way or another.

Impulsively, he walked out of his room and walked to Phil's door. He tried to open the door through the handle but it was locked.

'Phil must've locked it to make sure I didn't see it before anyone else did.' Dan assumed. Dan can practically hear his phone going off in his room behind the door, notifications unread about Phil's new videos whether it was text, tweets, or tumblr messages - he knew it wasn't important as this.

"Dan?" Phil stared at Dan once he opened the door after a few swift hard knocks. Dan wasn't sure who else he was expecting to show considering it's nearing midnight now and Dan is only person insane enough to bother him this late at night. "Um, what's going on? Is this, er, about the video...can we maybe discuss this in the morning?"

"I'm gay too."

This time it was Phil's eyes to widen, just gaping at Dan who stared back up at him.

"What?" It came out almost as a gasp not even a whisper. The disbelief and relief in his voice was too obvious not to notice to Dan and he hesitantly smiled at Phil.

"I'm just like you, Phil." He could feel the tears welling up, after years of trying to hide it and pretend to be something he was not; he was finally free to be who he was, truly and holy without fear or doubt. "I'm gay too, Phil."

"Dan," Phil whispered, raising his hand from where it previously laid on the doorknob to make it gently touch the side of his face. He was shaking, he was nervous just like Dan but they both knew this was a different type of nervousness. It was excitement instead of fear, joy instead of misery, happiness instead of sadness - it was unbelievable. "Dan, oh god, Dan."

"What's with my name that you like so much?" Dan chuckled, his voice hoarse from all the crying he did in the last hour. Dan reached up and placed his hand on top of Phil's.

"You stupid idiot." Phil giggled while tears adored his eyes. His hand slipped from underneath Dan's and he hugged him tightly, his face in Dan's neck and hands grasping Dan's dark tank top.

"Yup," Dan giggled, holding onto Phil's shoulders. The embrace was warm and full of love and acceptance for both parties.

This had to be the best moment of his life.

* * *

 

 

_**Buzz buzz** _

  
You groaned as you sat up. Once again, you had stayed up a stupid amount of hours on the internet whether it was reading fanfiction, watching YouTube videos, or talking to your friends online like you always did even though you had complained about being drained and tired all the time.

You opened your eyes and you found it a little hard to breathe. You looked at the first notification on your phone, all the others were forgotten compared to that one - one you had least expected to see.

 **Daniel Howell** _just uploaded_ **'Dear Internet, I'm Coming Out #Pride2018'** _on YouTube!_

 


End file.
